The Teenage Limbo That is D's Mind

GUESS WHO GOT THEIR WISDOM TEETH REMOVED!

Yeah it was pretty....well, messed up. I was told I wouldn't remember stuff about the surgery, specificaly stuff I said while going under. But I think I remember basically everything. SO LET ME WALK YOU THROUGH IT.

I go back into the little...dental room. Honestly I wasn't expecting a little dentist's chair and stuff, I thought it'd be more elaborate. It just looked like a regular dentist's office. But whatever. I remember the song that was playing, it was "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Stealers Wheels. I really like that song, that's the kinda music I grew up on and it was pretty comforting. So anyway, they put this little thing on my nose where the gas was going to go into me. I guess that was the nitrus oxide, not sure. Probably was....Anyway, the only issue I had with that was that I was told to just breath through my nose. And that's not the problem, it was just that....the air from my nose would go into the little plastic thing and then IN MY EYE. >.< But I guess it wasn't so bad. Probably the most comforting thing was my mom. I heard her chatting with the receptionist outside. It seems a bit childish, but just knowing my mom was RIGHT there, and knowing she wouldn't allow anything to go wrong was really comforting.

Anyway, my dentist came in, and he shook my hand a bit to show me that he was touching me. "Don't wanna scare you, ha ha." And I remember him flicking the inside of my right elbow. "Ha ha, I'm not beating you here..." I laughed. Everything was just slightly more funny than it usually would've been. Then I felt a needle go in, and I remember it hurt, but not for very long. I remember some of the conversation between me and the doctor, but it was unimportant stuff. He asked about my brother, school, stuff. Not much of anything. Eventually I passed out.

I remember waking up a couple of times, but not really enough to say I was awake, you know? I remember one time (maybe the first time) I was really awake. I heard "Something" by the Beatles playing. I thought that was amazing, considering the HUUUUGE Beatles kick I'm, plus how much I loved the song. I actually spoke too- "I love this song!" A nurse in there with me responded "Oh? It's an old one..." and I said "Yeah, George wrote it! Ha..." I thought that was great lol. Pretty funny thing to just talk about...Then I remember asking "Do I have cotton in my mouth?" and the nurse said I did. So I was like "Oh...well, that explains why I sound weird." And I remember singing part of the song...well, at least trying to. But I'm not sure WHEN, if it was before I asked about the cotton or after, but I think it was one of those.

Anyway, I woke up a couple of times after that, and I remember thinking "When can I go home? I'm freakin' awakw already...." and then going back to sleep, lol! Eventually though I think I woke up and heard my mom coming in. So I was did my best to be wide awake. And the doctor (or the nurse, dunno) asked me if I was ready to go. I was pretty enthused about going so I was like "Yeah!" and tried to get up. They said to get up slowly, which I did. I didn't realize that I couldn't walk on my own though. I figured I'd just need a second to regain my equilibrium, but no, I COULDN'T WALK lol. But my mom was there and I hooked my arm over her shoulder and she supported me out into the car. I think I did ok. I mean, I felt great apart from not being able to walk.

I didn't sleep much that first day (which was Tuesday, by the way). I was just like...awake. I texted Navi and told her I was back, and I was ok, since she was worried. I didn't really do much of anything. Just sorta watched TV and such. I even brought my computer into the living room (which is where I'm bunking for the time being) to have something to do, and to let everyone else know I was ok. I think my mom was sorta surprised by that but I felt good enough to do it. And mom was ok with it. She stayed in the room with me for most of that day, on the love seat (whereas I'm on the couch) but she went back to her room for the night. With my other brothers she was in the room with them for a couple of days, so recovery-wise I think I'm doing the best.

I'm really grateful to my mom, she's been taking REALLY great care of me. I love her so much~! ♥ That's pretty much all I can say. I'm just SO GLAD that I have my mom here to help me through this. I really appreciate her. And my brothers are being really nice and helpful too.

The thing is though, today, just a while ago, my mom discovered that she had a bit of a fever...BAD TIMING, WOAH. But I think she's ok now. Or at least she will be. I'm not too worried about her health, because it isn't a big deal, I just hate the timing. I mean, she's basically waiting on me hand and foot so I don't want her feeling bad on top of that. I've been trying to do as much for myself as I possibly can, though. Like, I've been getting up and getting my own drinks and food and stuff and letting her rest. So that's good. I just hope she feels better soon. v_v

Also, one of the bad things- the corners of my mouth? Yeah they're really dried out and were really sore from there they had to hold my mouth open for the surgery. The left corner actually looked SCABBED for a while! >_< I put some medicine on it, and it's healing but still...painful.

Anyhow, all in all, I think I'm doing ok. I'm healing fine, I'm not in too much pain at any one time, or anything like that. My face is a bit swollen though, and apparently my brothers didn't get swollen, or at least not as much as I did. My face looks so chubby in the mirror...Which is fine, it won't stay that way for long. I wonder how long this healing period lasts? I'm kinda wanting it to be done with my now...I want to go back to my own bed. I mean, I'm fine and comfortable on this couch and all, but usually I sleep on my stomach...I can't do that on the couch for several reasons- ONE, part of my body would be up because of the arm of the couch, which would create some discomfort for my back, which is already a little messed up. Not good. TWO- sleeping on my stomach means I'd have to lay the side of my face down and that'd hurt anyway. So yeah, I'm not as comfortable as I wanna be, but I'm alright. I'll get better soon I'm sure...


ANYWAY- enough about my silly surgery and my dumb complaining. I don't know if I mentioned this or not- but I kinda started wokring on a song. I go the idea while I was listening to The Fireman, which is a little duo I found. Specifically the song "Sing the Changes". I don't know why but this line got stuck in my head. I mean, REALLY stuck, like, can't get it out at ALL. I didn't know what the song would mean, what it'd sound like, what the lyrics would say or anything like that. I just knew that the line I got in my head HAD to be a title. So I think the day before my surgery I just sorta was up at 7 or 8 in the morning (having not slept at all) and took my dog out on a walk in my back yard. Then it just sorta...came to me. I worked on it, and worked on it, and I finally got all the verses. Then I wrote the basic chords I wanted to work into it. I'm still working on the flow of the lines, and whether I want it to have a chorus and a bridge and a standard format or if I want to just leave it as a bunch of verse (which it is right now). I want to work on the guitar part a bit too, instead of just a strumming pattern....I want just something more. It feels empty. I have a general feel for how I want the song to be, and it's just not coming through like it should yet. So I'm working on it. I'm really liking it, for what it is right now. I hope I can get it to come out like I want it to....That'd be greeeeat.


On another note, I'm thinking about maybe being a tattoo artist. It seems like such a cool thing, and tattoos are a really cool form of expression, so I'd kinda like to do stuff like that. And my mom gave me an idea- open a shop that's both a salon AND a tatoo shop. So I could being doing both things. I don't know, it sounded like a cool idea when she said it. It'd have to be a big kinda shop though, to accomidate both things. But yeah I thought it was a neat idea.

Speaking of the salon...I really need to get on the ball with my cosmetology education and stuff. I thought I pretty much knew where I wanted to go, but then my mom wanted me to look at more schools. And we just haven't gone around a visted any yet, which is a problem. And then she found out that some high schools offer cosmetology courses. I figured I could maybe do that and just go for the cosmetology course and that might be ok. Might be cheaper that way, which is a plus. I don't know though. I guess I just want to get it DONE and over with so I can start doing something already.

I've been considering a lot of things about school, beyond cosmetology. Navi kind of brought up an interesting thought- she told me that most people look down on southern edication. Like, people would see that someone graduated from a college in TN and then someone who graduated in...I don't know, New York or something, and automatically assume that the graduate from New York got a better education. NOT TRUE. Education is education, and it shouldn't matter. But apparently it does. So I don't wanna go to school here anymore. I may still go to community college here, just for the fact that it would cost so much otherwise, but I'm definately considering going somewhere else for art school. I'm actually considering some place in London. I've always wanted to visit London and recently I've been considering living there one day, so I figured why not give it a shot and go to school there? 

I also texted Navi today, randomly, and she said she wanted to move. No where specific, she just said she wanted to move. So I asked "move where? LONDON!? :D" and she said "yes". lol! So I'm now REALLY considering it. Maybe moving to London with her would be a lot easier. I can save my money through college and not needlessly spend my cash and maybe I cna save enough to get to London, and get in a nice respectable art school. I just don't know if Navi would want to wait 4 years for me to move with her. Which sucks, I don't want to wait 4 years either, but I have to. 1 year to finish out highschool and cosmetology school, 1 year for work and some weird insurance reason I'm not sure about (that still so....dumb), and then 2 for community college. Maybe, I could leave sooner. And go to community college in London? And just STAY there? I don't know...It'd just be easier to stay at home for community college, so my mom can pay for most everything except school tution and stuff. I don't know, I'm definitely going to be discussing it with Navi and if she's serious about going to London, I'll for sure try to go with her. We'll see what happens, I guess, but that's on the table as of right now.


In a completely random note, I'm gonna be getting my hair cut after I've healed enough to go out. I'm hoping by Monday at the latest I can have it done. I think it's gonna be pretty cute. My hair is pretty resilient, I don't really get bad haircuts...Usually I can just make stuff work when it comes to my hair. Especially when I leave it long, which I am. I'm mostly getting bangs done, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to be much of a problem.


Ok I'm pretty much done rambling now. I have some things I wanna draw while I'm still feeling good, so I guess I'll update more some other day.

G'night all~! ♪♫

I know it's been a while since I updated...But what I lack in fequency, I make up for in content. SO YAY.


So, I have some thing I think I need to touch on, I think. First of all, I'm a vegetarian now. It's a long story I guess....But I guess that's what this journal's for. See, I had seen this picture of a PETA poster featuring Paul McCartney on it. I remembered it was pretty cool looking so I looked it up to see it again. Usually, when I find the picture the text is too small to read. But I found a bigger picture and actually read the text. Here's the picture-



If you don't wanna bother clicking that picture and making it larger, this is what the text says-

"Many years ago, I was fishing, and as I was reeling in the poor fish, I realized, 'I am killing him- all for the passing pleasure it brings me.' And something inside me clicked. I realized as I watched him fight for breath that his life was as important to him as mine is to me."

That really got me thinking...I mean, that make sense. The fish WOULD care about his own life. We value our lives above everything else, and so does that fish. And as I thought about that, something finally clicked in my head.

Animals are meat.

I know thay sounds weird, and you're probably thinking "DUH" right now, but hear me out. I knew that animals were meat, that beef was made from cows, pork was pigs and chicken was...well, chicken. But I never really picked up a hamburger and said to myself, "This was once a cow." I just never really thought about animals being meat. And it finally clicked with me...I love cows, and little piggies, and little chickens! I want to pet them, not eat them!

So, yeah, as of Monday, September 14, 2009, I am a vegetarian. I bolded that so I can look back and remember the date...In case I ever wanna celebrate a Veg-a-versary or something.

Also, I'm not 100% sure what the difference is between Vegetarian and Vegan is, but I think Vegans don't have dairy or eggs. If that's the case then I may be going to that. I don't neccesarily think that's it "wrong" to have dairy or eggs, it's more of a health thing. Milk has animal fats and such in it, which can raise the risk of stroke, amoung other things. Plus, oddly enough it can actually lead to osteoperosis. I don't have the information memorized, so I can't really say exactly why that is, but it has something to do with the fact that the body tends to leach the calcium we get from milk from our bones. Thus leading to osteoperosis. So, basically, I'm going to try some soy milk at my grandmother's house next time I visit her. She drinks nothing buy soy milk. And if I like it, I'll probably be switching over to that. I don't know about the egg thing though. The major thing with eggs is all the cholesterol, but I think most of it's just in the yolk. So if I go egg-whites only it might be fine. But yeah, cutting out the dairy and eggs is more of a health thing than anything else.

I don't want anyone to feel weird about me being vegetarian...I mean, I'm not going to get on anyone's case for eating meat. However, I would just like to encourage everyone to go check out Peta.org and go to their Vegetarian Starter Kit, which is right on their homepage, can't miss it. If you go to that, it'll teach you everything about why vegetarianism isn't just good for you, but good for the environment. I'm not trying to convert everyone to vegetarianism, but I would like for everyone to at least get some good information before you make any judgement calls on my decision. All I ask is for some understanding. So don't judge me unless you have some decent information on it.

Anyway, my family...well just mom really, has been pretty supportive. She believes that there isn't anything wrong with eating meat, that animals were put here for our benefit and consumption and such, so she doesn't really agree with my way of thinking, but she's being really supportive. She compeltely understands that this is my personal decision and is being very nice about it. And I offer the same level of respect towards her. I'm not trying to convince my whole family to go vegetarian with me, I'm not banning them from eating meat around me, or talking about meat or anything crazy like that. So there is a mutual respect for each others thoughts and beliefs on the subject and I think that's really nice. Makes things a whole lot easier.

However, my brothers seem...less than ok with the whole thing. They're being kinda nice though, and not making me miserable or anything. But still, I wish they could be as supportive as my mom.

The most supportive person has got to be Navi though. She was really happy when I told her about my switch. She even offered to help me find some really yummy, easy to make, super cheap veggie meals! I really love her...It's nice to have someone seriously behind me on this, no one else really is. Some people are even pretty obvious about their dislike of my choice, such as one of my brothers, and my friend Snuggs. I mean, Snuggs really isn't being mean and my brother is being....I dunno, passive-aggressive with it, so it's not that big of a deal. It's just annoying.


Ok ANYWAY I think that's enough of the veggie talk, don't you?


Uhm, what else has been going on...Oh yeah, I'm entering the John Lennon Songwriting Contest. That oughta be fun, I think. Songwriting is just fun in general. I'm not really entering it for the MASSIVE AMOUNT of money. It's part for fun, and part just to say I entered. I'd enter even if all I got was a certificate that said I won, you know? Just want to be able to say I did something with my music. *shrug* I'm not really expecting to win, so I won't be that heartbroken if I don't.


Also, I'm having my wisdom teeth surgery done in about 2 weeks. After that, I'm getting my haircut! :D It's not going to be a really short cut, mostly just my bangs will get cut...but I think it'll look really cute. So I'm looking forward to that.


Uh, I guess I don't have much else to say right now...I'll probably post another entry sometimes soon though. I'm pretty sure I'll have lots to say over the coming weeks. But for now, I guess I'm pretty much done.

'Til next time. sports fans. 

Yeah, I know I haven't posted in about 7 weeks, BUT I'm posting now. That's something, right? ...Right?

Anyway- some cool things have been going on with me. Like...A LOT of amazingly cool things are going on. Well...WILL be going on very soon.

The first being that I'm going to be starting cosmetology school very soon. While still in high school. It's going to count for high school credit too, which is nice. I don't really need it but it'll be nice. The reason for this is that I have to go to an extra year of high school for some weird insurance purpose or something (I'm not really sure). So my mom suggested beauty school. I thought "Why not? Doing hair and stuff might be fun". And instead of waiting to go during my extra year, I decided I'd start this year. And for that whole extra year of high school, I can spend it WORKING and earning money. I'll be trying to save ALL of it. Or at least as much as possible. The reason for that being my second point of interest.

I'm hoping that after that one year of solid work, I'll have enough money saved up to be able to move out, with my friend Jess. We've been talking about moving in together for a while now. At first, I didn't want to. It's cheaper to stay at home while going to college, which I am still very much intending to do. If I stay at home, my mom will pay for all my food, water, utilities, and clothes (to a certain extent). I can use all my money for college then. If I moved out, all that stuff will be on ME. And Jess, provided she has a job. Still, more expensive than living at home. But the thought of the freedom is just too tempting! I'm just getting tired of having to BEG my mother if I can see R-rated movies, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That's insane. I'm 17, why can't I go and do that without consulting her? And I'm just terrified to read any kind of literature beyond a grade school reading level for fear of it having "adult content" and my mom getting mad at me! I just don't like living like that. I don't mean to whine, but I just don't feel like I can be myself in my own home. And I'm a little tired of telling my friends to watch their language around me...Honestly, it doesn't bother me, unless every other word out of someone's mouth is the F-word. So I've been seriously considering that. Either then, or after my first two years of college. I'll be going to a community college, and then an art college. Originally, I planned on moving out after community college, but the idea is getting more and more tempting.

Also, I've been getting into photography a bit. I have to thank a wonderful man named Kai for that. Here's a link to his AMAZING work- gutterface.deviantart.com. I saw him in these photos and the idea just sorta started forming in my head. My buddy Jess said it was a good idea too, so I thought why not? So I'm going to be seriously looking into that soon. It's probably just going to be a hobby, not really a career. I think it'll be a lot of fun though. I'm looking forward to it. Also, a cool thing I thought of- I was thinking of maybe filiming the photoshoots I do. I mean everything about it. From finding the costumes, to doing the makeup, to the actually shoot itself. I thought it might be kinda cool. And it'd be something new to put on my YouTube channel! :D

On another subject, I feel like I've been neglecting my art too much. I haven't drawn anything really seriously in...I don't know how long o.o. However, I did come up with an idea for a little (and I emphasize little) mini coming, based on the song The Duet by Never Shout Never. Hopefully I can get to doing that soon, and get back in the swing of drawing regularly. I want to make a career out of this. I have to get more SERIOUS! D:<

I'm also gonna try to look into sewing lessons, so that I can hopefully learn to make my own clothes one day...Which makes me wonder- am I trying to do too much? I feel like I'm going to overload myself, but I don't know. I want to do all this stuff! I mostly want to make my own clothes because a lot of the clothes I find that I like are too expensive, and it might be cheaper to just make my own. If I knew how. Maybe I shouldn't bother though. Maybe once I have some money to burn, it won't seem so expensive...? I don't know, this ones just more of a fleeting thought.

I guess I'm gonna go now- I need to practice some guitar tonight, and then maybe do some drawing.

'Til next time, sports fans,
D

Yeah, I'm still alive. I'm sure everyone was worried about that. *sigh* Thanks, Julien, for reminding me that I haven't updated in...well, too long. ANYWAY-

A lot of stuff has been going down. I've felt so BUSY. Though, honestly, I can't say I've done anything.

First, school- See, technically I can take my time with it (isn't homeschool great?). The way it usually is works is I'll get a set of books, one for every subject (chemistry, alegebra II, and english), and I have 2-3 weeks to do them. But it's the end of the school year, sort of, and I only have 2 sets of books left to go through. My mom told me that I can take my time with it, especially considering my current situation. That being the fact that I have to go to an EXTRA year of high school. I don't know if I talked about it before, but apparently it would be beneficial for me if I take an "extra year". My mom said something about it helping me get a car. So I figured why not? And I don't really have to do high school stuff. I'll be going to cosmetology school for about a year, and that'll count. But on paper, it'll say that I have had 5 years of high school. And I'll start college late. I think I'll just tell people I'm a year younger than I really am, so people don't think I failed a year, XD

But considering the above situation, I can pretty much take my time with my work. And my senior year's work is just english and some easy math course. So, I'm taking it easy. But I want to get it done, I just can't seem to be motivated enough. And I feel too busy too...

Another thing that happened over these past weeks- My guitar teacher, Tim, quit. Yeah, one Tuesday (JUST before we left for my lesson, no less), the Academy calls and tells us he quit. I was SO pleased. Honestly, I almost had a breakdown...I felt pretty awful. I developed a relationship with him, I pretty much considered him a friend, I thought he was so cool, and he just...quit. It was pretty bad.

I have a new teacher now though; his name is Derek. He's pretty cool. I noticed I was confident around him too (at least moreso than I thought). See? Tim DID teach me confidence, it wasn't just around him that I was confident. I really like this new teacher, he's really nice. He has a really calm feel to him. Really laid back and...I can't really describe him. But he's way cool. I can joke with him and stuff already, and I've only had 2 lessons with him! We kinda like the same stuff too. I've been on a kind of "acoustic kick". I've been listening to a lot of mellow stuff, like Iron and Wine, and that's basically his kinda music. So that's been cool to be able to experiment with that style. Where, with Tim, it felt completely rock. And while I LOVE rock, I wanna branch out. I have a varied taste in music, it should reflect in the music I make as well. And while Derek is into more mellow stuff, he's also cool with rock too. He doesn't really have that "one genre" feel that Tim had. I feel like I can play rock or mellow stuff with Derek, and it'd be fine. But with Tim it felt like it HAD to be rock, and thought "Oh, if I told Tim I wanted to learn this mellow song, he'd be like 'NO WAY LOL'" Does that make sense?

Anyway, most days, or nights rather, I've been up all night exchanging messages on MySpace with my friend, Jess. It's been...odd. My sleeping schedule is SO weird. I go to bed at about 10 am every monring, and sleep until about 8. That needs to STOP. It's not cool, I'm not happy about it, and I want it to stop. Not the talking to Jess part, just the staying up part. My guitar lessons are at NOON. I need to be up and AWAKE before that. Jeez.

Also, my brother got a guinea pig. He named it Rico. For whatever reason, he put it in the living room. My dog was not pleased. She will not leave it alone, she keeps whining and trying to get a look at it. And my brother DISAPPROVES. It's so annoying. >.<

Oh, I'm doing something on YouTube. It's called "Vlog Every Day in June". I've done something everyday, so far. It's pretty cool. If you wanna check out the videos, you can you veiw them on my channel here: youtube.com/skatergirld

I'm also working on doing a couple of covers. "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron and Wine, and "Big City Dreams" by NeverShoutNever! I'll post the videos of them here, and on my YouTube channel when I do them. I'm having fun learning them, though it's kinda hard. No one said it'd be easy though, so I can't complain.

Random fact: My wisdom teeth are coming in. My dentist saw 2, for sure, and a "possible third". So, we're just assuming all four are coming in, or all four are ABOUT to come in. Either way, by August, I'll be having some dental surgery done. WHO'S EXCITED??? I'm thinking I'm going to do an experiment with my drawing skills. I'll draw something normal, no pain pills making me loopy. Then draw something while loppy on pain meds. It should be fun, I hope.

My neck hurts today. ._.

Also, I'm reading three books at once right now. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (I just really wanna finish that series), Secret Vampire, which is the first book of the Night World series- it's about vampires, and is better than Twilight, in my opinion, AND The Other Boleyn Girl. Jess let me borrow that last one. I'm really only reading it now because I wanna return it to her as soon as I can. I don't like holding on to people's belongings too long.... But yeah. I really just wanna read the Night World book (it's actually the first three novels in the series all in one book), but I need to finish the Other Boleyn Girl...and I want to finish the Harry Potter series. Mostly because of my brothers actually. They want me to finish it, cause both of them have. And...I like magic. I really really do.

Ok well, that's my mini-update for right now. I have some business to take care of, so I need to cut this short. I'll upate more often from now on, or at least try.

Ciao, for now, mon ami~! ♥

HAI GAIZ! Been a while, huh? Betcha thought I forgot about you. HOW MISTAKEN YOU ARE.

Anyway, I felt like I should update this silly old journal. I found out a few days ago that someone ACTUALLY read this! Isn't that cool? He's from Germany too! Super cool. *thumbs up*

Ok so...what do I say? Um...The band? Yeah, let's talk about my band.

The Doom Piggies! Yeah, we...haven't been doing much. That bums me out, but it's mostly my fault. I don't practice guitar as much as I should, and don't press my brother to play with me, so it's totally my fault. I've been trying to get a friend of mine to join the band as bassist but I can never seem to get ahold of her to set up anything. I should give her my cell number or something and just let her call me when she's free.

I've also been trying to get a blank sheet music book, and I'm going to try to write at least one song per month. I'd really like to give that a try. My only problem with my music is really the lyric part of it. I don't know how to add lyrics to music. With piano, you can hear the melody, you voice can sing to a piano, but with rock much how do you know how the words are supposed to sound? So I've decided that I'm just not going to think about it. I'll just write a song, write some lyrics that have the right "feeling" and see what sounds good. If that's not the right way to do it, I don't care. At the very least it'll make for interesting music. So there.

Speaking of lyrics, I found a few songs I had written years ago, while cleaning out my desk. I haven't read any of them yet. I'm sure they're all crap, but I think they could make for good inspiration. Maybe I can rework some of them to fit into some other feeling. But yeah, I thought that was worth mentioning.

Also, I don't know how good of a lyricist I'd be. I've noticed that most (ok...all) of the lyrics I've ever written were...made up. Like, they didn't come from an experience I had. I just imagined how something would feel and wrote about it. I'll give you an example- I'll go get a sheet of lyrics and tell you how made up it is! Ok I just grabbed the first one I saw. I'll give you the chorus-

If I were blind, you'd be the only thing I'd see
If I were def, you're voice would be the only thing I'd hear
If I were to never speak again, I'd still tell you I love you everyday
And I still feel this way

I can honestly say I've never felt that way about ANYONE before. I've never been in love, I've never felt that way about anyone. So, writing it is a bit odd. I just imagine feelings. That can't make for good writing. And to be honest, it seems a little generic, now that I look at it.

So, how can I write really good songs unless I write from my experiences, and my actual feelings? It's a bit weird that I don't. I've never been through anything worth writing about, I guess. A musician friend of mine told me that writing songs can be really helpful and be a good outlet. But, I have nothing to let out, really. I mean, maybe I do. I don't know. I need to think of what I could possibly write about. But I'm going to try not to imagine anything for the songs I write from now on! Maybe I should actually throw these old songs away...I know they aren't any good.

Also, another way to go would be doing conceptual stuff. Like Pink Floyd's Wall. The band told a story through the songs on the album. They even made a movie about it! My Chemical Romance did much the same with The Black Parade. So, I'm thinking I could maybe do something like that, in a way. It's an option anyway.

Um...OH YEAH. My guitar lesson...not this past Tuesday, but the Tuesday before that was...interesting. My teacher made me sing the song he was teaching me. MEANING, I had to sing to sing for him. Someone I've never sang in front of before- totally unprepared. It was a little odd. But he said I was good. Well, I don't know if he used that word...no yeah, he DID. He said that I was good. Which I can accept. At least I wasn't horrible. And I've discovered something this past Tuesday. Well, I always knew it I guess, but it was really evident during my last lesson. My teacher is really trying to help me grow, not only as a musician, but as a person in general. He wants me to be less shy, and be more confident. He's teaching me to be more confident. Hardly a lesson goes by where he doesn't say "Don't be shy". I really appreciate that, I do need to come out of my shell more. That's part of what makes my teacher so amazing. He's not only making me learn some instrument, he's helping me develop as a person. That's why I think he's so wonderful, I think. He's not just my guitar teacher. He's my friend, my mentor. That's just something I wanted to share. >.>

Hey, do you guys think doing a video blog would be better? It'd be the same stuff that's here, just in...video format. Or is text better? I don't know. It was just a random passing thought.

What else do I wanna say.....Oh. Greek mythology! A few days ago, I was watching some random show on TV and they briefly talked about Cupid. Someone said "Actually, the god, Cupid, shot to wound." Well, that got me curious, so I looked up Cupid on wikipedia (didn't really see anything about Cupid shooting to wound, but whatever) and I just started reading. I read about Cupid, and Eros (the Greek equivalent; Cupid is the Roman name), and the romance of Eros and Psyche, and I loved it so much. It's so romantic...And I've decided I'm going to do a minicomic about that romance. I don't know how exactly, but it'll probably be a sort of modern retelling. I don't know. We'll see. But anyhow, Greek mythology has always facinated me, even as a kid, so I'm getting really into it. A couple years ago I picked up this book called Greek Gods and Heroes and I'm just now getting to actually reading it (in addition to the Harry Potter series, lol). I'm thinking about actually making a graphic novel, one day when I'm good enough, of all of the Greek romances. Like Eros and Psyche, and Hades and Demeter, and Narcissus and Echo. Or maybe just a bunch of different Greek myths all in one book. Or maybe one book for the romances, one book for the Hero Chronicles, like Hercules (actually "Heracles" Greek; Hercules, again, in the Roman) and other heros of the like. I don't know, it's just something else I plan to do when I'm a professional. It sounds like a cool idea to me. I'd read a graphic novel about that stuff.

Oh, I've been trying to get in shape for the past two or three weeks. I've been doing really well, I haven't skipped a day of working out, and I've been snacking a LOT less. So that's good. I'm hoping to be in shape really soon. If I keep this up I should be ok! ^^

Also, I have a new chair in my room, to replace the evil, uncomfortable one I did have. Wow...the difference is insane. It's so comfy! And I can lean back and relax in it for hours and I don't get up with a sore back! Man, it's so awesome! And it actually ROLLS. My last chair had wheels, but they were flat on the bottom, for some reason, so it didn't roll. This one rolls! *super happy* And it's actually made of SOFT material, rather than hard plastic like the last one. Yay! :D

Oh, I've decided not to cut my hair for a full year. I'm not going to cut it again until MTAC next year. I wanna see how long it gets! The most I'll have cut will be my bangs. I kinda like the side-swept look I have now. So I'll let the rest of it grow, but keep the bangs. Throughout the year I'll be trying to find a perfect haircut for me (ok well a different one anyway, lol) I may decide to get this same cut again and again. I do really like it. We'll just see. But yeah, that was worh mentioning, I guess.

Um..I might need glasses. I'm sure I've told the story before- where I went to the eye doctor and he said I'd need glasses in a year? Well it's been three years since then, right? So I'm thinking I need them. I don't know for sure though. But my mom's finally getting insurance in August so I'm finally gonna get another eye exam and see if I need them or not! It's gonna be great just to know whether or not I need them, you know?

Um ok, I've been babbling long enough. I'm gonna reply to my emails and then...go to bed. At 10 am. Yeah.

Stole this from pippin_my_ride 


You’re a 90’s kid if:

You remember watching
[x] Kenan and Kel
[x] Doug
[x] Ren & Stimpy
[x] Pinky and the Brain
[x] AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
[x] Rockos modern Life
[x] Animaniacs
[x] Gargoyles
[x] Hey Arnold
[X] Out of the Box (LOL I ONLY REMEMBER THE THEME SONG, never really enjoyed watching the show)
[X] Bear in the Big Blue House
[X] You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
[X] You just cant resist finishing this . . ."In west Philadelphia born and raised..." (ON THE PLAYGROUND IS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MAH DAYZ)

You remember:
[ ] Step by Step
[ ] Family Matters
[ ] Dinosaurs
[x] Boy Meets World (I had a total crush on Shawn...)
[x] Full House
[x] You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

[x] You remember reading Goosebumps

When everything was settled by:
[x] rock paper scissors
[ ] miss mary mack (when I was a kid, we just used to sing the little song, it wasn't used to decide anything.)

[x] When kick ball was something you did everyday
[ ] Playing with lanyard in the schoolyard.
[ ] 'Yikes!' erasers and stationary. (I wanna look those up now...)
[x] You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. (OH MAH GAWD)

[x] You remember Super Nintendos and Sega Genesis (AND N64)
[x] You remember The Original Game Boy
[x] You always wanted to send in a tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.
[ ] You saw 'The Mummy' in the movie theater.

You remember watching:
[x] The Magic School Bus
[x] Wishbone
[x] Reading Rainbow
[ ] Ghostwriter

[x] You remember when Yo-Yos were cool
[x] You remember those Where’s Waldo books.
[x] You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gushers (I WANT ANY KIND OF WARHEAD NOW PLOX)

You remember watching:
[x] Batman the Animated Series
[x] Aladdin
[x] Ninja Turtles
[x] Ghost Busters
[x] You remember Ring Pops 
[x] If you remember when everything was "da BOMB!"

[x] You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.
[x] Making those little paper fortune cookie things,
and then predicting your life with them (i never learn to make them, but i played with my friends' all the time!)

[x] You played and/or collected Pogs (I FOUND A POGS RIP OFF WHEN I WAS CLEANING MY ROOM)
[x] You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere you went (I miss them)

You watched the original cartoons of
[x]Rugrats
[x]Wild Thornberrys
[x]Power Rangers

[X]All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand (actually i only had a folder or two, and a binder at one point. BUT I LOVE LISA FRANK!)

You collected
[x] Beanie Babies.
[x] Pokemon cards
[ ] Care Bears (Cheer Bear, I love you.)
[x] Silver dollars, which were cool to have (I collected ALL KINDS of coins)

[x]Everyone watched the WB (..... *sobssssssss* i miss you wb!!!!!)

[x]When everybody knew all the Pokemon by heart.
[x]When Digimon was still on.

[x] If you even know what an original walkman is...

[x] You know the Macarena by heart (best dance EVAR)

[x]"Talk to the hand"

[ ]You went to McDonald’s to play in the playplace and it was still sanitary. (my mom never let me play in it. we always went through the drive through so I never was able too...)

[x]Before the MySpace frenzy
[x]Before the Internet & text messaging.
[x]Before Sidekicks & iPods

[x]Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360
[x]Back before X box period

[x]Before Spongebob.

[x]When light up sneakers were cool. (I'd actually still wear a pair if someone bought them for me! :D)
[x]When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs

[x]When gas was $0.95 a gallon. (i never paid attention to gas prices, but I'm sure i was alive when they were that low, lol)

[x]When we recorded stuff on VCR (...I still do...)

[x]You had slap bracelets! (I MISS THEM!!!!)
[x]You actually played outside until it was dark! (YES. I miss it! I wanna be a kid again now!)


[x]Post this if you smiled at least more than 5 times.
[x]And if you remember at least half the stuff on here.

Re-post with the year you were born - 1992

Holy.

CHEESE-COVERED.

CRAP.

(I'm going to document my time at the con through, you guessed it, ART and will post again when I have something to show. Til then, the above statment pretty much covers it.)

So, today I was awoken by my throat. It felt like I was swallowing glass- or maybe a chainsaw. Everytime I'd swallow, a new, revitalized sensation of pure PAIN would was over my throat. It was like drinking acid, it burned so. I woke me up a few times. After each time, I'd turn over and go back to sleep. I had wanted to get up, but my exhaustion begged me to stay. So I did. But after about the fifth time, the pain lured me from my comfortable, coma-like sleep, and I got out of bed. I moaned on the way to the bathroom, wanting so much to will this un-Godly pain away.

An idea parked in my mind. "Something cold and wet!" So, I skittered off into the kitchen, and poured myself a cool glass of cherry flavored drink. I gulped it down carefully, so I didn't irratate my throat too much. My care did little to soothe it. It seemed the pain was determined to stay. Swallowing continued to bring on new waves of sharp, irritating pain. I wished, constantly, that my mother was awake, so she could comfort me- tell me some way to calm the angry little monster in my throat.

After half an hour, my wish was granted, and my mother woke up. She suggested Tylenol and gargalling with salt water. Which I did. Then I dashed off to bed, as per her suggestion. Before I let myself get into bed, I took the Tylenol with my delicious cherry drink, and felt, for some reason the need to cry. I didn't, of course. But the pain was bad enough that I could have, if I had let myself. But I contained. I had to push pain out my head. But how? I crawled into my bed, choosing to lay on my back rather than my stomach. That is something I haven't chosen to do in years. It seemed much easier than trying to get comfy with my face in a pillow, and getting my blankets just right. The pain wouldn't let up as I lay there, panting, and moaning from the pain. Somehow, those actions didn't irratate my little monster- just swallowing did that. Of course, the pain was also there without the swallowing, just more of a humming pain. Something in the background but oddly prevalent.

It felt as though I had a double-edged knife, in my throat, each side sliced into the sides of my throat. It was susepending, slowly moving with the actions of my breathing. Swallowing made it move violently, slicing both sides deeper and deeper. It was truly awful. But I tried to force the pain out my head, as I lay there, my eyes closed, my breathing coming out in little pants and moanas. I thought about a daydream. A very simple one, something romantic with a person whom I had no chance with. The simple daydreams of the average teenage girl. Somehow, this helped. I was able to focus on it, even when the thought drifting off the subject to trivial things, which my thoughts often did. The pain felt slightly more subdued, it was a great relief. Especially when I drifted into dreamless sleep.

I was awoken by my mother about an hour later. There's a reading project we're doing for english- and she's reading the book aloud, helping me and my brother out with it. She reminded me of this, and offered to let me stay in bed, while she and my brother came in to read the book. I was about to inconvience them, so I got myself up, and noticed my throat. The little monster seemed to have calmed, however slight a calm it was. After she read the book, we did some Chemistry, yet another homeschool thing. After this, I dashed back off to bed, not feeling quite up to staying awake. My throat's pain lessened by the time I woke up again.

I believe I've been up since then and it's been a while. Quite a while. The monster had calmed a great deal, most of the day. The knife having dislodged itself, ever so much, giving me hours of relief. The pain was still present, but bearable, whereas before the mere thought of bearing it was enough to make me want to cry. My throat's gotten angry now, however. Not quite as bad as when I first woke up, but still, quite painful. I think I may have simply talked to much, I tested my limits and went a bit too far.

I feel pretty awful still, and I'm about to head back to bed. I think I've stayed up too late. I was feeling too good to simply go to sleep, for fear that I'd awaken to my angry little monster again. Now I feel is a god time to sleep, and I'll hope, or pray (or both) that my monster will calm down in the night.

(in case you're wondering, I am aware of the fact that I wrote this like...a story in first-person rather than a blog. I'm working on a novel and I'm trying to get into the habit of thinking like a novel. It's my process. It works for me.)

All right, I shall have to bid the internet farewell.

May your throats be free of monsters,

♥ D

Ok, so, it's...6:11 am right now. I've been up since...one-ish in the after noon, and I was planning on getting up at 11am tomorrow.

 

Can anyone see this happening?

Not I.

SO, HERE BE A RANDOM JOUNRAL ENTRY THAT NO ONE WILL READ. I'll make it quick, cause I am tired, and I just wanna go to bed and think about vampires.

So yeah, ok- as far as art goes, I'M HAVING A DROUGHT. Mah buddy Jess asked me to draw some seckzy pictures of the guys from my comic, which I've yet to do. Hopefully I can do it tomorrow after I finish my homework.

Speaking of which, it sucks. I'm kinda behind so I have to like...WORK. I'll porbably be a day late with my tests (they're supposed to be done Friday, but I had to split my work up and I have to work on them that day so as not to get brain-killed, so my tests will most likely be a day late) I hate school, I want it to be over...I took my ACT test and got a 24, I HAVE PROVEN MY INTELLEGENCE. LET ME GO ON SUMMER BREAK NOW, DANGIT. I hate school!!! DDD: Good news, I'll be DONE with everything on Satuday....only to start a new battery of books and subsequent tests on Monday. Oh joy. Maybe this time I won't procrastinate...

Guitar is going good. I'm writing songs now, and it's epic. And I'm learning "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd, which is epic on toast.

I'm going to cosmetology school before I go on to college, so I can makez sum kacsh.

Um...I wanna talk about my birthday actually, but like I said, it's late and I'm tired, so I'll post more about it in the next entry....hopefully.

Sleepy tiemz for D nao.

Yeah, so I'm like...feeling odd lately.

Usually, I procrastinate so much it makes people like...DIE. You know? For an example, if I were a doctor, and procrastinated with patients the way I did with homework, EVERYONE WOULD BE DED. AND MY LICENCE REVOKED, VIOLENTLY. AND HOUSE, M.D., WOULD HIT ME IN THE MOUTH. VIOLENTLY!

Yeah. S'not pretty.

But I'm doing something about it.

The past two days I've been getting up at 11 (AM, YES, I AM SHOCKED AS WELL) and doing my homework. Just like...doing it. I've had a lot to do, so I'd do it in shifts. Like...so many pages of English, and then so many pages of Math, like that. And...I've gotten it done. Both days. And had SO MUCH TIME before bed time to just....play around and do whatever. GUILT FREE. It's been odd.

But it's such a good thing. Because, when I think about it, if I can keep this up, my life would feel so much more free. Now, I start at either noon or 1pm, (the time beforehand is spent eating breakfast and mentally preparing myself) and I get finished by like....7pm (though it doesn't feel that long). And that's when I have quite a bit. But if I did this, say, EVERYDAY, and only had a little to do everyday, I could be done in like....an hour maybe. So, I'd have TONS of time to draw, to write, to PLAY VIDEO GAMES, AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS.

It's a good thing.

In other news, I've taken my ACT test. Yeah. I took it on the 7th of this month. I wasn't nervous at all, which surprised me. I was pretty confident about how I'd do on the actual test because I had taken 3 practice tests in the weeks before the test and I got a 22, 24, and a 23 on them, respectively. (Of course, after the test I felt less confident about that, I feel like I did worse than I expected, but that's not the point.) I thought I'd freak out, being in a school FULL of people I didn't know at all. In a school I had never even SEEN before. I thought I'd have a panic attack but...I didn't. I felt....comfortable. Which is odd, I don't ever want to feel comfortable in a school! lol, but seriously...it was odd. It felt like a real like...class or a real class' test. I was sitting in a desk, looking at a teacher and everything. I don't know, it was all so odd.

Now some of you may be thinking "Well, D, you should liek go to school or something then!". Well, no. See, I've thought about this before. I actually got pretty PUMPED to go to the school my friend Jess goes too. I really wanted to go, and start my senior year (so I'd finish out junior year in homeschool). And I found out her school is picking up JAPANESE as an elective next year! Which means I could take it the year I'm there, the first year they'd have it! And it would've been cool. But you see, I talked to my mom about it. She told me that I'd have to take placement tests, which I expected. But she told me if I don't do well enough they could put me back in the 10th grade. I can't say I'm confident enough, in my math skills at least, to take that risk. So, I cannot go to school. I repeat:

I

CANNOT

GO TO SCHOOL.

So no more urging me to (and some people have).

But being in that classroom and feeling the way I did, I have a little more confidence in myself about going to college. I also thought I'd have a panic attack when I attend. But after not having one at the ACT, I feel like I can make it ok.

On a completely diferent note, my musical education is going rather well. Tim, my teacher, actually taught me a Pink Floyd song, Comfortably Numb. I loik it. He ribbed me about something though. He said something along the lines of "Pink Floyd's The Wall popularized the concept album...not My Chemical Romance." I laughed and said "I know that!" I think I may have said it a bit more...assertively than I'd have liked. But he laughed and said "Ok, ok!" and it was funny. I really like my teacher. He's really cool and I learn a lot from him. I got pretty lucky when I got him for a teacher. He kinda feels like a buddy. I'm not nervous around him. I say dumb things around him though. Like...I'll say something, like that "I know that"- thing. And I'll get home and replay the day in my head, and just...face/palm at how dumb that was. That's just an example but that happens every week! And I need to get over it. I think the reason I say so many "dumb" things is because I usually didn't get up until like 3pm, and for my lessons I had to get up at noon. So, I blame my idiocy on my lack of sleep. That won't happen this Tuesday though! I'll be up at 11am at the latest! I'll be totally awake for my lesson! ^_^

What else...OH YEAH. I STILL MISS ANGIE. GAWD WE SHOULD TALK. Honestly, she's one of the coolest people ever. She's got such awesome musical taste, and she's so funny, and random. I wish I knew her in real life! We'd be the best of friends! :D

ALSO- NAVI IS COMING TO MTAC WITH ME AND MY FAMILY!!! YEAH!!!! IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME! This'll be the first time we've ever technically met, face-to-face. I'm not nervous at all about it. I'm just EXCITED. She's my most important person. She's my wife, my sister, my...gaurdian ^_^ And I finally get to meet her! IN PERSON. And spend 3 and a half days with her!!! The happiness well flows freely! lol

In more music related news, as some of you may know, I'm in a "band" with my brother. Well, my other brother played with us once or twice during one of our few practices. I don't know if he's really in the band or not...I talked to him about it briefly once and he said "sure" when offered to be in it. And I said "Ok, come up with a cool stage name". and he hasn't yet as far as I know. I think he's forgotten about him. I'LL ASK HIM ABOUT IT NAO!

Ok I asked if he was in our band. He said "Yeah, kinda sorta..." So I was like "Come up with a stage name." and then like...nothing. No response to that particular statement. LOL he needz kewl stage nayme. At least, he does if he wants to be in a band with ME.

So now, we like...need a bassist. I cna maybe swing the vocals. Like...Drew thinks I'm ok when I sing normally (singing in my room is a totally different story), and David thinks I suck...not that he's heard me seriously sing, like ever. If he really hates it, then we'll try to find a bassist who can sing. Or scream. Cookie-monster vocals are acceptable.

Ok I totally got distracted for like...over 2 hours. So, I'm gonna go get ready for bed, and then draw for a bit before going to sleep. Keep tabs on my dA page if you wanna see what I draw. It'll be posted tomorrow, I'm sure. I seriously only have like...half an hour of homework to do tomorrow. Which usually never happens. O_o

G'night!

Yeah, that's a good song title- but it's got a super deep meaning that I won't go into just yet. Eventually maybe, not now. Just thought it made a good title.

Anyway-

Has anyone read the Twilight books? *sigh* My best friend Jess made a HUGE mistake on Christmas. She let me borrow the first book. Two days later (or rather 3, I finished it in 2, but it was late, so I waited til the next day), I called her. I said "This is really stupid...but I finished Twilight last night and-" she cut me off there and was SHOCKED. "You finished it!?" lol...anyway, I asked her if I could come over and pick up the next book. Generously, she offered the next 2 books, New Moon and Eclipse, her aunt was finishing Breaking Dawn so I couldn't get that one, ANYWAY- I finished each one in about 2 days (except for Eclipse, which took me 2 days and some change), and I haven't been able to go and get Breaking Dawn and...well....if I'm honest...

I'M GOING INSANE.

But I have a perfectly logical explanation.

See, I know a lot of people don't like the books. I know some who don't like it, and I know some who LOVE it. But, see, I have a very low standard for entertainment media like books, movies, games, etc. So, I pretty much like everything I ever see (except that movie Dragon Wars...). I pretty much like every movie I've ever seen, and every book I've ever read. So I knew I'd like the Twilight series. It's just what happens. And besides my low standards, it's a romance. Not just that but a vampire romance. With werewolves thrown in for good measure. Of course I'd like it. It's so utterly romantic. I'm a hopeless romantic and occult fan, as most of you know, so this was perfect on all sides.

But the romance, it's painful, as much as I hate to admit it. It's my own personal form of masochism. I love reading it/seeing it in movies, but afterwards I feel really bad. Or maybe the better term is "sad". I'm a pretty lonely person, that's obvious, I mean, I've never had a boyfriend, or known a guy that liked me as more than a friend- couple that with being a hopeless romantic, who just HAS to read books with romance, and watch romantic movies, and you have there a recipe for utter distaster. After this one chapter I read in...New Moon, I think, I actually teared up. It was a really romantic end to a chapter and the tears just started forming. I fought to keep them back. I pretty much suceeded, after slamming my fist into my leg a couple of times. Only one slid down my cheek, and I felt like an idiot.

But, you see, a lot of the times, I'm actually hurting. I push it aside and enjoy the book often, but eventually it hurts. And I feel like an idiot saying that, but I needed to tell someone- this seemed like the best place.

My sister Navi doesn't like the Twilight books, and respectfully asked that I not talk about the book with her. I'm respecting that wish by not even bringing it up, unless I make fun of myself for "having no taste". And my friend  Jess, who gave me the books...well...she's not too good with emotions. That's not my assessment, it's just what she says. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, so I just don't bring this particular incident up. But I have talked with her, and told her that it does make me feel lonely and stuff, and she sympathizes. I don't think she realizes how deep it goes.

But, why do I constantly do that to myself? Honestly, I only read romantic manga (I can't say "books", Twilight is the first romance novel I've read), I watch mostly romantic movies (the good ones anyway- even though I don't have much of an opinion on movies, a lot of the time I'll choose to skip certain romance movies, cause I don't see much of a romantic plot to it.), I only write romances- and it always hurts. I don't understand why I do this to myself...I'm turning into a masochist, the stupidest masochist in the world. I don't really get the pleasure from the pain, it's more like pleasure BEFORE the pain. I enjoy romances, but the pain afterward sucks. But I just walk into it again and again, like I have no idea what's going to happen- but I DO know what's gonna happen...it's the dumbest thing ever. The worst part, I just can't stop...I know what's going to happen, and I still do it. Aren't I stupid? Ha...

I wonder if there's some psychological reasoning behind it. Or maybe I'm just dumb. *sigh*

Ok, I just wanted to get that off my chest, so I feel better now. Thanks to whoever read this! ^_^

I still feel like an idiot. But I don't feel as bad about being an idiot.

Also, if you hate Twilight, I can respect that. Please don't flame me for liking the series, I don't mind you stating your opinion- in fact, I would encourage that. But just making a comment and say "OMG YOU SUCK TWILIGHT SUX GO DIE IN A FIRE" is rude, so please refrain from that. Thank you.

Yeah, that sounds like a rockin band name...srsly...Or the title of a song! :D

Actually, another good band name would be "Unapolagetic Apathy"....lines from My Chem songs make the best band names...

But anyway- I kinda wanna talk about ya know...STUFF. Like, a lot of stuff. Like how much it sucks to be a 16 year old female gamer in my house.

Case in point- Left 4 Dead. It sounds like a pretty awesome new game- A ZOMBIE SHOOTER. Yeah, that sounds epic on a lot of levels. BUT GET THIS- It's rated M. Wanna know why? Blood- ok, I can handle blood. Violence and Gore- again, I can handle it. Language- again, I can handle it. BUT WHAT'S THIS!? MY MOM WON'T ALLOW HER DAUGHTER TO HEAR BAD WORDS!

Now the real...bad part of it all, is that this issue isn't because of my age. It's not a case of "language is inappropriate for someone my age to hear", even as silly as that may seem. It's because I'm a GIRL. Girls, apparently, burst into flames at the mere THOUGHT of an F-word. Huh. I did not know that. Hm. You see, this is almost insulting. My brothers, both of them now, were able to play these games at my age. My mom wasn't ever happy about it, and my brother had to ask her before they could play it, but were almost always assured to get a "yes". Me, it's more likely that I'll get a "no", simply because I'm a girl. Because I simply have different physical equipment, I'm penalized! Does that even make any sense!? GOD, wasn't this issue resolved? Women have the same rights as men, isn't that right? CAN I STILL VOTE!? Is the whole world like this now, or is my mom the only one who's backwards? No offense to her, of course. She has her values, her beliefs. I just simply don't agree with this particular line of thinking.

Now, I could be jumping the gun. I only found out about why the game was rated M tonight, after she's gone to bed. But you see, I was thinking about buying this game. And usually, in the case of M rated games, my mom doens't make a verdict on whether or not I can play it until one of my big brothers play it and assess how "bad" it is. But, I want to BUY the game myself. So, this is potentially a crisis. I can't play M rated games unelss it is first played by someone else, but if I BUY it, it won't ever have been played. And I don't know anyone who's played it yet! Except maybe Gerard Way, and...he's not exactly someone I can ask about the language content in a video game :P

So- any thoughts? What do I do in a situation like this?

Oh I just realised something- have I posted an entry like this before? I can't remember...maybe I did on Myspace? lol, I can't remember.

Anyhow- I'm kinda ticked off about this- also I'm a bit ticked that the freaking DEMO of Left 4 Dead isn't on XBOX Live's Marketplace anymore. This is just not my day. :P  

...especially considering the fact that I didn't do hardly any last night. >.>

ANYWAY- I wanna carry my guitar around in a coffin. lol That's right.

I found a guitar case shaped like a coffin, made by Coffin Case, of course. I found it on Musician's Friend here- http://accessories.musiciansfriend.com/product/Coffin-Case-G185-Universal-Electric-Guitar-Case?sku=542036

Now I have a questions, in the form of a poll for you fine folks-

Poll #1287132 Coffin Case
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 0

Should I buy the Coffin Case?

I really would like some input, because it is $120. That is a mighty big chunk of change...Everyone I've asked has told me to get it, but I'm still on the fence. I mean- it's awesome, and I'd love it, but...should I?

Also, I miss all my friends! ;_; it's like, ever since I got my laptop, my online buds disappeared. My bud Jess hasn't been on the last few days...and then there's Angie, who's been MIA for quite some time. I MISS HER SO MUCH. I also miss Navi, but we hardly ever get to talk during "school season" so I won't complain about that...

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this before but I'm trying to convince my mom to let me get a lip peircing. Yeah, that's so...teenage-y, I know, but I, for whatever reason, really want it. Just on my bottom left, on my left side. My mom's pretty much not even gonna think about it until I'm 18. Which isn't so bad, but even then it's only a SLIGHT possibility of me getting it. But I'm gonna try to prove to her that I want it. Maybe if I still really want it when I'm 18 I'll have a better shot...

I also want a haircut, lol! I sorta want a cool emo-esque haircut...What do you guys think? My hair's pretty short now, so I it'd have to be a super short hair cut...I've been kinda thinking about getting an asymmetrical bob-type hair cut. And also some short, shaggy-with-swopping-bangs type haircut. I just don't know what one to get. I also can't find a catalog of emo haircuts or anything, so I don't even have any REAL options at all. I'm sort of conflicted, not only with WHAT haircut to get, but whether to cut my hair at all. I sorta wanna grow it out, but what would I do with it then? I really don't know what to do. I'm bored with my hair again, that's about all this amounts to, so I want a new hair cut. Any ideas? Suggestions? Insults about my hair A.D.D?

Ok I guess I'm done now. I need to do my homework...uuuurrrrgh...

P.S. I dunno if i mentioned this either but...last sunday I got that laptop from my uncle. IT AWESOME! XD

o.o;; ok bai

I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions. Ask me anything you want. No kidding, ANYTHING, I'll give you the absolute honest truth.

OK, let's go over the week together, yeah?

Sunday- Church, not much else.

Monday- The Raconteurs concert. OH MY GOD!!!! That was the most amazing night EVER! I mean- ok, let me go through the whole thing. First off, me and my brother Drew got into our car, with my mom at the helm, and my OTHER brother David. Mom was going to take David to his boy scout meeting after dropping us off- so yeah. Mom drives us and we were looking for like...exit 1A or something. And we saw like 2A, and Exit 313 or something outrageous like that. And we thought we were LOST. Gah, I was kinda freaking out- but eventually mom asked a cop where the venue was, and we were like, right around the corner from it, lol! So, mom starts heading for it, and this car almost runs into us, but this guy yelled for the other driver to stop before we hit, so we're fine.

We get to the venue, and me and Drew wait outside for the door to open...They do, and we quickly make our way to the MEZZANINE level. And we wait outside those door for a while. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of making dumb jokes with Drew, trying to take my mind off my bladder (since I felt like I kept having to go, even though I JUST went), the doors finally open. Me and Drew head for our seats, which were very close to the doors, and wait some more. Lol, so much waiting. After more waiting, and another bathroom break for me, the opening act, The Kills, come onto the stage, much to the excitment of the audience. I have to say, I might become a fan of this band, they were really rockin'. A perfect opener for the Racs, I might add.

After their set, the Racs came on to the stage, the audience went nuts- but I didn't- I couldn't. I was stunned. I think I managed to smile, mouth agape, staring in awe at my idol. The band went to the instruments, and Brendan Benson came to the mic, and did a greeting to the audience, as all musicians do. I can't remember what he said exactly, but it was something cliche I'm sure. There's not much you can say to an audience, other than "Hey, what's up, [town name here]! We're glad to be here!"?

Anyway, after some songs, Jack White came to the mic. As always, it was hard to make out what he said- for some reason it's almost impossible to make out every word that someone says into a mic at a concert. I believe he said something about going to Interstate Barbeque, and for some reason was losing his voice, and was unable to sing the high notes that night, and concluded that by saying "I'll try".

After a while, 2 bleach blonde girls, with some form of alcoholic drink sat in the 2 seats that were next to me. After a long while, they left, and these 2 teenage boys sat next to me. Now, up until that point, I hadn't really done much in my seat beside applaude. I was too stunned, or too apprehensive to scream or jump or anything. But the boy who sat down next to me, he fired me up! He screamed, and after I heard it, something clicked in me. And then I started screaming!  Even after the 2 blondes came back, I kept screaming! It was amazing- you couldn't imagine! I really want to thank the boy who was sitting next to me now.

Anyway, after some more AMAZING songs, the last 2 of which featured the female singer from The Kills ("Steady, As She Goes", and "Salute Your Solutions"), the concert finally ended. It felt like it went by too fast, but it was so amazing. I mean- I got to see my idol, my guitar hero, perform LIVE. It was too amazing for words! The only thing that could've made it any better would be if I met Jack White himself. *sigh* Maybe next time...

Tuesday- Guitar lesson. It was pretty good. I still need to work on my confidence issues, but all in all, I'm doing good. He mostly just had me doing ear-training stuff, and gave me a website where I could practice it at home. He said something about printing off my scores and taking them to him next Tuesday, but I don't know if he's joking or not. O_o

Also, I believe this was the day I got my first official music request. Navi wants me to play "I Will Follow You Into The Dark." I really LOVE this song, but, due to the fact that all the tabs I've seen for it calls for a capo on the 3rd fret, I feel it's a bit beyond my level. However, I will try to play this song for her eventually. Just because she wants me to.

Wednesday- Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility came out. I've been playing it non-stop. Which is pretty much the worst possible thing. I haven't touched my school work, or my guitar since I got it. Oh well. I'll try to practice some guitar tonight, and get serious about my ear-training tomorrow...as well as get on my school work.

But, because it is NOT tomorrow yet (my definition of "tomorrow" being after I have gone to sleep and wake up again) I shall go play more HM! :D

Ok so, um...I'm a God awful guitar teacher. -_-

I tried to teach my friend, Mariah, some guitar. And I taught her some chords, the notes, and some other stuff. But I feel like I did a bad job of it, like I didn't explain stuff properly or something. I feel pretty bad about it. But I did tell her that I only had just started not so long ago, and told her I wasn't the best person to come to for lesson...and suggested she take some professional lesson, and suggested the academy that I go to for lessons.

Mariah seems cool, by the way. I think she's alright with my suck-tacular guitar teaching skillz. Any little bit of teaching is gonna help, I'd imagine. I'll try to come up with a better lesson plan for next time...>.>

Anyway, yesterday I went to Putt-Putt with the family, mom's friend, and mom's friend's daughter, Simone....she's not 8, as I thought in my previous entry. She's 11. And a LOT taller than me. That made me feel real good. -_-

Also, I really need to do some homework today....I'm just a LITTLE behind, but knowing me like I do, I know I should get caught up as soon as possible.

Oh, and I went ahead and downloaded the FREE 2D animation software, Pencil. I got my brother to provide a vocal track, and then animated a character saying the words he said. (and for those curious, he said "Um...Tacos.") The downside is that I can't seem to put the animation anywhere online. And apparently the audio track isn't saving to the file, so even if I could get the animation online, there'd be no sound. Any help with this would be appreciated, of course, I'm sure none of you lovely folks have any experience with Pencil...or I'm sure you would've told me about it sooner >.> I think Pencil just has issues with Windows or something... I put so much work into it though...like and hour and a half, at least, to do like, 15 seconds of animation. AND I HAD TO DRAW EVERYTHING IN GIMP, CAUSE PENCIL HAS ISSUES AND WON'T DRAW SMOOTH LINES. >:[

Even though that took a long time for such a little bit of animation, and it was hard work and stuff, I had a lot of fun. I actually wanna do another one! Even though me and the family are the only one's who get to see it...It's pretty cool to look at this and think "Wow, I actually made an animation..." I've been wanting to do it for so long, so I'm glad I can now ^^ You know, I'll think I'll get Drew to record something else for me to animate! :D (I'm such a nerd...but hey, I found my calling!)

I guess that's it for this entry, so I'll see you guys next time.

Yeah, I think I have some stuff to say, not sure any of it's interesting, BUT HERE GOES.

Tim, my guitar teacher, gave me a bunch of songs to learn this week. I just really have to focus on one, but he gave me a bunch to do if I want/get bored...or for later, whatever. He gave me a bunch of old "hippie" songs. Which is cool, ya know, cause I like these songs. A couple are by Creedence Clearwater Revival, one's by the legendary Jimi Hendrix (sadly, it's just the chords, not any wicked solos), and some are by artists/bands I don't know. Like, I'll know the song, but just not the artist...Anyway, some of them are anti-war songs, and he said they'd always have relevance, because there's always going to be war. Not neccesarily the same war these guys were singing about, but there's always gonna be a war. I never thought of it that way- I mean about the music.  It's interesting to think of it that way.

Anyway, I've got a pretty busy week going on here. Let's see, yesterday was guitar lesson, today I went to the zoo, tomorrow I'm going mini-golfing with my family, my mom's friend, and my mom's friend's daughter who's like...8, nothing on Friday (as of this moment) and then I'm giving a guitar lesson to this girl, Mariah, on Saturday....I'm kinda nervous about it. I've never taught anyone really before. And I know I'm not the BEST person to come to for guitar lessons, I mean...I've only just started taking them myself. But I think I can sort of help someone who hasn't had any training before. At least I'd like to think so. And if I'm not doing a good job, then we'll stop, not a big deal. Still, I wanna do my best, if I can help then I'd really like to.

Also, I'm currently still waiting for my laptop from my uncle. I think maybe he's forgotten about it. WHICH SUCKS. Cause I really need it. I need it so I can work on my 2 comics, and potentially a 3rd one. And I found an animation program- THAT'S FREE- that I wanna try out, but CAN'T cause I don't think our computer can take it...I have a feeling that I'm gonna have a lot of fun with animation- I wanna just like...do funny little opening animations for my comics, to make it look like an anime- BECAUSE I'M LAME LIKE THAT *brick'd*

Ok, I guess that's it. That was...incredibly pointless, to say the least. When I started typing I had a ton to say, and...I just haven't said really anything at all...Huh, go figure. I should probably go and do homework right now...*plays video games*

'Til next time, rock fans!

Yeah, um...last night, I practiced guitar- and a couple of hours later, I tried practicing again, and realized I had no idea where my pick was. I remember playing my guitar, and putting it away, and then I remember going for a walk with Drew at 3am (and I practiced around 12 or 1) THAT'S A BIG CHUNK OF TIME I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT.

And I tell my brothers that I lost my pick, and if they saw, let me know.

So, I practiced with one of my 3 spare picks (lol, losing that red one would've been such a tragedy). Then I started reading.

Then Drew comes to my door, and just hands me my pick.

ME: OMG, where's you find it?!
DREW: On the bathroom floor.
ME: ...Oh yeah! I took a shower after I practiced guitar! :D

I'm pretty disturbed by the fact that I couldn't remember that. I, apparently, put my pick in my jean pocket, and forgot to put it away. So, when I took my shower, and discarded my pants, the pick, naturally, fell out. I seem to have a habit of leaving my pick in my pocket...As a matter of fact, I have it in my pocket right now (haven't bothered to put it away since I got back from guitar lesson). So yeah, I have Alzheimer's. (also, it took me a FULL day to remember my LJ password- I was in the process of resetting it when I remember what it was -_-)

So yeah....

Oh yeah, I recently discovered that the latest book in the Artemis Fowl series came out a few months back. Now, it's been awhile since I read these books so, I pretty much just KILLED MYSELF reading all of the books as quick as I can, so I could rent the newest one from the library. (I don't own any of the books yet, so I had to use the library...) And, I finished the 5th book today, The Lost Colony, and I called the library for the 6th, The Time Paradox. They said, and I quote "None of the branches of the library carry that book. It's on order". I don't know what "on order" means exactly, but one would assume it means they've ordered the book, but do NOT have it....

So basically, I went through all the trouble of re-reading these books, for...absolutely nothing. I guess it's not so bad though, I mean...I love Artemis Fowl- it's a great series, so I enjoyed it. But not being able to read the 6th one is really killing me. *sigh*

Also, I started school yesterday. I frickin' hate chemistry. It's so boring...I just wanna sleep during that "class". (I call it a "class" because my mom technically "teaches" it to me and my brother. She reads us the text that we get, and we go through the questions in our workbooks together and stuff...) It's not so bad though, I guess, since I did 11th grade courses last year, I just have 3 subjects- English, Chemistry, and Algebra II. Not a big fan of Algebra, but it's...comprehendable. That's the only way to put it.

Luckily my senior year is going to be a breeze (especially considering that I'm getting chem. out of the way this year- i believe it originally was a 12th grade course). I only have English, and Business Math. And I'm only taking Business Math because my mom thinks it'll be good for me. So yay for easy senior years! :D

 

Oh, and I...uh, recently purchased a pair of hot pink high tops with a black sole. They're Demonia high tops! More specifically Demonia Deviant 101's. Very awesome...I r wearing themz nao! :D

 

That's really all I have to say I guess...if I were to say anything else it'd probably be something along the lines of "OMG THE RACONTEURS CONCERT AT THE END OF THE OMG OMG OMG!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!!eleventy-one!!!!!" So yeah, I'll just go before I say that. >.>

 

Til next time, rock fans!
 

 

LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I'M GONNA DIE TOMORROW! 8D

See, I go in for my guitar lesson. My teacher, Tim- see, he's been out for 2 lessons (so, 2 weeks) moving in to a house here in Memphis. And there's the standard week I have to wait in between lessons- so I've had 2 weeks to practice what I was taught...

and I pretty much just started really practicing this week. I practiced a little last week and did absolutely nothing the first week. I JUST HOPE I DON'T FAIL TOO MUCH TOMORROW >.< It probably won't be so bad, but I'm nervous...

Also, school starts in about a week. Yeeeeah...I'm gonna be a junior. Not that that means much to a homeschool kid. :P

Oh and...yeah, the Raconteurs concert's at the end of the month...I'M FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!! 8DDDD My mom even said she's buy me a new outfit to wear to the concert! (that was so cool of her ^^)

Oh, I got a new task chair in my room...it's so OLD. My grandmother gave it to me, cause my mom told her I wanted a task chair...It's so hard an uncomfortable! It looks like it's made totally out of metal- but there's some sort of material on the seat and what little backing there is....Drew says it's ostrich leather =_= It's annoying, but it's better than running that old leather chair I had into EVERYTHING cause it was so huge...This chair'll just have to do, I guess...

Oh, I started a new comic- The Eggs, which you can read at eggs.smackjeeves.com. I made it for my cyber sister, Navi's 18th birthday WHICH IS TODAY. 8DDDDDDD I was up until 6 am last night finishing the cover. And I have 3 pages pencil'd. The only reason I haven't inked them is...well...I'm waiting to get my laptop from my uncle. I plan to use my laptop to ink, and add tones and such. That's also what I plan to do with My Pet, which is why there hasn't been an update for a while.

Speaking of my laptop- my other brother David pitches a FIT everytime I call it "my laptop". It's so lame, I don't see why he gets upset. He's just insane I guess.

Ok, I can't think of anything interesting to say...OH!

The title of my post comes from a poem of the same name, written by Alex Seeger.
( I Have a Rendezvous with Death )
Oh, and happy Labor Day.

 for I have quite a tale to tell.

Around 8 or 9 pm tonight, my wonderful mother served my brothers and I our nightly meal. I was served first, and I sat down in my usual place, in the living room, on a little couch I dubbed my own. But...what's this? What is the horrible smell purvading the air?

I sniffed the air, in hopes of finding what was causing the odor. Upon some thought, I supposed it was a towel one of my siblings used to dry off our family dog, as it had been raining for quite sometime, and if she gets too wet we think it best to try her a bit. Yet, there was no towel to be seen, nevermind smelled. I continued my pursuit of the odor.

Maybe it was my shoes? I keep them under the coffee table, as my brother and I have been taking walks around our back yard for quite some time. Maybe they had gotten wet from the morning dew on the ground, and were starting to mold, as unlikely as that sounded. I picked them up and gave them each a good sniff. Only the smell of the canvas and rubber it was made of. I continued my search, sniffing the air as a dog might. Soon, my eldest brother got his plate of food.

"Do you smell that?" I asked, wanted help with my search, and also affirmation that I hadn't gone insane. "It smells like...mold or mildew or something." He gave a few sniffs to the air, and I presume he was about to answer my inquiry with a 'no', but then the odor caught his nose as well. I continued my search again with a partner. Then, my other, and second eldest brother came in with his plate, and inquired as to what we were doing. We filled him in, and he began smelling the atrocious odor, as well.

"Maybe it's your couch?", both brother suggested to me. I thought it logical and sniffed the couch all over, hoping to discover the odor. I found none. But, as a precaution, I was told to spray down my couch with frabric freshener, which I happily did, hoping that it would solve the problem. Alas, the smell continued to fill the room.

"Maybe it's the floor?", came another suggestion. It could've been, so I dropped to my hands and knees and sniffed. No luck, it smelled as it always did- of dog and dust. My efforts were rewarded only with a snoot-full of dog hair. 

"Maybe our shoes?", was another suggestion. I already checked my shoes, but it was worth another sniff. My eldest brother did the same. No avail. What could the awful smell be coming from? 

"Maybe it's in the attic?" I suggested to my eldest brother.

"Worth a shot" he said, obviously frustrated by the elusive smell. He dashed up into our attic, and nothing. Then, a thought occured to me.

"Maybe the food"

So, I sniffed the food. The main dish seemed fine, but I got to the side dish- refried beans, with shredded cheese. Not one of my favorites on a normal day, but as I gave it a whiff, I smelled the odor. It wasn't very pronounced where I had sniffed, but as I traveled around the mush, the odor revealed itself. To make sure, I gave a sniff to my brother's plate.

"It's the beans!" 

The odor had been discovered. My brother sniffed his food, to make sure. I was right. The beans. My mother assured me they were ok, but they were a different brand from what she normally buys, so maybe it just had a weird smell. I couldn't imagine anything edible having that kind of smell. But, I sat down, and began to choke down my refried beans with shredded cheese. 

The first bite I gathered onto my fork was just beans, no cheese. I sighed as I looked at it, and sniffed it slightly...Oddly, no odor. Hm. I popped into my mouth and swallowed. I got another bite, this time with the cheese, and gave it a slight sniff. The odor returned, and I choked down the bite. As I got to the last bite, it was mostly cheese, and I popped it in quickly, wanting nothing more than this horrible, foul-smelling nightmare to be over. Turns out, this nightmare was saving the "best" for last. This bite was, to say the least, digustingly awful, and awfully disgusting. Another thought struck me.

"What if it's the cheese?"

We had all thought it at one point, and my mother gave me the bag the shredded cheese came in, and we all gave it a sniffed, and it seemed ok. But at this point, my mother had gone, and it had been long since we had the now empty cheese bag. Maybe it WAS in fact the cheese. That would explain why a bite of just the beans smelled fine.

So, I found some shreds of cheese that had fallen. I picked them up, and sniffed...The smell was there. I picked up a bite of the main dish, that my mother had adorned with the cheese. The smell was there.

"Oh my God, it's the cheese!"

It was in fact the cheese! My brother's, however, had assumed it was the beans, and purposely scrapped the cheese off of the beans, and tossed the beans away, eating only the cheese. The chese, my God...the cheese...

Tonight's dinner was, to say the least, the worst dinner of my life.
______________________________________________________________________________________
True story. Every word.

Well, it's 3:30 am...

I should go practice my guitar.